I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
