it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she told me i tasted like america
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
