Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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