I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
