I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
