just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dicks are not precious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
