so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
