i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
