Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
