i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
