Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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