u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
