i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
