god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
