i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
