Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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