Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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