I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
