I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I touched a dick in church today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
