And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
