a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
