i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
