South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
