My brain says no but my pants say off.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
