So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
