why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
