I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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