If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
