I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
