i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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