My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your penis caused this!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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