I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
