I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
