I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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