the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
