I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
