Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
did i just pee glitter
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
