I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
