Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
