I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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