I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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