I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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