i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
