the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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