it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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