You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
