her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
