I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
