Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
