so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
