Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
