Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
