God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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