So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
