Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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