I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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